Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Angry TV Buyer

E-mails from an Asshole 

is a collection of e-mails that have been sent by "Mike" to people who post classified ads. The goal here is to mess with them, confuse them, and/or piss them off. I will post a few of my favourites ones starting with "The Angry TV Buyer".
Original ad:
i want a flatscreen tv. at least 40 inches and under $500. hit me up if you got what i want
From Me to ***********@**********.org:

Hey,

I am selling my 42" Westinghouse plasma TV for $400. It is in excellent condition. I'm just selling it because I got a bigger one and don't need this one anymore. Let me know if you are interested.

Mike

From jim ****** to Me:

yeah man thats perfect. ill buy that as soon as possible. would you be able to bring it to my house? i dont have a car. im home pretty much all day every day

you can call me if you want 610-***-****

From me to jim ******:

No problem, Jim. I could bring it by tomorrow after work. Are you sure you want to buy it though? I don't want to bring it there and have you decide you don't want to buy it.

Mike

From jim ****** to Me:

no i definitely want it. just bring it over man

my address is 415 ********* rd, ******, PA
just call me if you have any trouble

From me to jim ******:

Okay, I'll be over tomorrow.

From me to jim ******:

Jim,

I'm very sorry I was unable to make it to your house today. I had the TV loaded in the back of my pickup truck, and I was all set to go to your house. I just decided to make a quick stop in Chester to buy some stuff from a friend, and when I got back to my truck, the TV was gone. I can't figure out what the hell happened to it. I'm thinking maybe I hit a bump and it slid out of the truck, because I do forget to close my tailgate sometimes. I don't really remember if it was in the truck when I parked it, so I am baffled.

Anyway, this is totally my fault. Seeing as how I promised you a TV and lost it, I am going to help you out. I signed you up for a 2 year subscription to Plasma TV Enthusiasts Weekly. It is an excellent magazine that will give you a lot of information on plasma TVs to help you make the right decision when buying one. It is normally $84.99 a year, but I hooked you up with my referrer discount so it will only cost you $63.50 a year. I had it sent and billed to the address you gave me, and you should get your first one in a week or two.

Once again, I am very sorry that I lost the TV that I was going to sell you, but hopefully this magazine can help you out.

Mike

From jim ****** to Me:

are you out of your fuckin mind i dont want any fuckin magazines!!! what the fuck.. you better fuckin cancel that shit. what the fuck were you thinking dude, im not paying for that you fuckin dumbass

From jim ****** to Me:

and its obvious YOUR TV WAS STOLEN YOU FUCKIN RETARD. why the FUCK would you leave a tv in the back of your truck in chester?

cancel the fuckin magazines..NOW.

From me to jim ******:

Jim,

Why do you want me to cancel the magazines? It is a great magazine and I got you a great deal for it. You won't find it cheaper anywhere else. Also, to put it frankly, if you were going to buy a Westinghouse plasma TV from me without even looking at it, then it is clear you still have a lot to learn about plasma TVs. Reading this magazine will make you an expert in no time.

Mike

From jim ****** to Me:

you fuckin asshole i dont want to pay for some stupid magazine! i just want a goddamn tv. who the fuck would want to read a fuckin weekly magazine about tvs?! cancel it right now. im serious

From me to jim ******:

Jim,

I'm sorry you feel that way about the magazine. I was just trying to help. Unfortunately I cannot cancel the magazine. When I signed you up on the phone, they gave me a confirmation number I could use to cancel the subscription. I couldn't find a piece of paper to write it on, so I wrote the number on a napkin. I think I accidentally used the napkin to wipe my face after eating wings last night, and then threw it out. I'd look through the trash to find it for you, but the garbage truck already picked it up this morning. I think they take it to the dump/recycling center in Media if you want to go look for it. It was a napkin from Taco Bell, if that helps. I usually get all my napkins there.

If you think it would be easier, you could just cancel it once you get your first magazine in the mail. You'll probably be billed for the first month, plus a $75 cancellation fee because I didn't sign you up for cancellation insurance. I just assumed you would want to keep the magazine.

Mike

From jim ****** to Me:

i cant believe i just read all that shit because i should have known from the first few lines that you were a fuckin idiot

i dont care if you have to blow the fuckin editor, you better find a way to get it cancelled because i am not spending a goddamn nickel on that magazine!

From me to jim ******:

Jim,

If you don't pay for it, that may screw up your credit. I remember one time I forgot to pay my TV guide subscription for about 14 months, and that really messed up my credit. I had trouble buying a house because of that. You should be careful.

Since you seem to not know a lot about the importance of your credit, I signed you up for a year subscription of In Debt Weekly, a great magazine that can teach you a lot about credit. Don't worry, I got you the same discount as before, and this magazine is actually a little bit cheaper. It is only $34.99 a year. It came with a discounted subscription to Card Times, another magazine about credit cards. That one is only $25 per year, so I signed you up for that as well. It is a decent magazine for the price.

Mike

From jim ****** to Me:

GL4KJHSGSKFKJS YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE STOP SIGNING ME UP FOR FUCKING MAGAZINES!!!!

CANCEL THOSE RIGHT NOW MOTHERFUCKER!!!!

From me to jim ******:

Jim,

There is no need for that kind of language. Please do not talk to me anymore.

Unless you would be interested in a subscription to Anger Management Journal. I can sign you up for that if you want to learn how to control your temper.

Mike

From jim ****** to Me:

FUCK YOU

Monday, November 29, 2010

10 Most Expensive Music Videos

Apologies for the lack of updates I have been overseas/extremely busy over the last week or so. 

When MTV launched on August 1, 1981, the first music video it played was "Video Killed the Radio Star" by The Buggles. In those days, all a music video needed was jiggly girls in bikinis, big hair, fast cars, and if you were lucky, jiggly girls with big hair driving fast cars. No huge costs, just a little something to complement the listening experience.
Then came along Michael Jackson's "Thriller" in 1983. "Thriller" wasn't a music video, it was a full-fledged crotch-grabbing experience. At 14 minutes long, "Thriller" suddenly opened the doors of creativity, proving that a music video could be more about the video and less about the music. Today, companies will spend millions of dollars to make a 3-minute video (most of it spent on computer animation and huge sets). 

Without further adieu I present a list of opulent indulgence: the 10 most expensive music videos of all time.





Scream: Michael Jackson’s Scream is rated as the top most expensive music videos. The cost spent by Michael Jackson for making this video is $7,000,000 +. Scream was first aired in June 1995.


Die Another Day: Madonna’s Die Another Day is the second most expensive music video. The production cost for this music video is $6,100,000+. Die Another Day was first aired on 22nd October 2002.

Victory: Puff Daddy’s Victory, a rap video is the third most expensive music video. The production cost for this video is $2,700,000+. The original airdate for this music video was 31st March 1998.

Heartbreaker: Mariah Carey’s Heartbreaker is the fourth most expensive music video. Heartbreaker directed by Brett Ratner was first aired on 16th August 1999. The production cost for this video is $2,500,000+.

What’s it gonna be: Busta Rhymes’s “What’s it gonna be” is a terrifically cool video with lots of special effects. The production cost involved for making this great music video is $2,400,000+. This music video was first aired on 12th March 1999. It is the fifth most expensive music video.

Larger Than Life: Backstreet Boys’ Larger than life is the sixth most expensive video. Joseph Kahn directed this music video and the production cost for this video is $2,100,000+. The space settings made for this music video was exclusive and the cost for this settings was exorbitant and it was first aired in September 1999.

Miami: Will Smith’s Miami ranked as the seventh most expensive music video as the production cost involved in making this video is around $2.000,000+. Wayne Isham directed this music video and it was first aired in December 1998.

She’s a Bitch: Missy Elliot’s She’s a Bitch is the eight most expensive music video. Hype Williams directed this music video, he gave special effects to this video and it was first aired in May 1999. The production cost for this video is $2,000,000+.

Unpretty: TLC’s Unpretty is ranked as the ninth most expensive video as the cost spent on making this video is around $1,600,000+. This music video was first aired in August 1999 and Paul Hunter directed this video.

November Rain: Guns N’ Roses “November Rain” is the last in the list of ten most expensive music videos. This music video was directed by Andy Morahan and was first aired in June 1992. The production cost for making this music video is $1,500,000+.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

5 Amazing Photo-realistic Pictures

Photorealism is the genre of painting based on using the camera and photographs to gather information and then from this information, creating a painting that appears to be very realistic like a photograph. Below are 5 of my favorite. One could easily confuse these with actual photographs. The last one (Kate Beckinsale) is AMAZING and the best I have seen.











Thursday, November 11, 2010

Hilarious WiFi Network Names

You could label your WiFi network with something as simple as your address or last name. Or, like these people, you could use it to insult your neighbors, tell your customers to stop being so cheap, or get some rage off your chest! 
"Watchin Porno In Here!"
"For-a-virus-connect-2-me"
"Deliver beer to room 306"
"Dang! I left my network open!"